Merry Christmas
If you’re wondering, that should be He-man and She-ra in Christmas outfits, very suiting don’t you think?
So, the year is almost over and I will most likely not write anything more in the blog for the remaining year, I will let this blog cool off for a while and just leave you with some tracks. And what have we learned during this year? Music-wise I’ve learned that Gloves, Fear Of Tigers, Diamond Cut, Monsieur Adi, Mille, Hemingway and Das Glow are bloody geniuses when it comes to remixing and creating their epic original tracks. So I have to say that they’ve been my absolute favourite this year.Those who have died in a hellish flame is The Bloody Beetroots and MSTRKRFT, failing and copying the same sounds from their old remixes and the final product just comes out bland and boring.
And I’ve enjoyed seeing Binary Entertainment getting on the map with their truly great roster of artists.
And I’m sick of hearing about Don Diablo, who the fuck is that anyway? I saw some guido video of him jerking around at a Australian festival. I’ve heard nothing good coming from him, just as stale as the rest of the club-hopping d-bag bangers. Not the least bit inventive.
What else do we have to whine about then? Yeah, I can tell you a secret in blogging. How to come off as a true professional and increase your traffic.
1. Use every klishé there is, use a really silly niche that will draw attention. Let’s say for instance that you like cans of soup, name the blog The Impeccable Can of Soup blog. And have the illustrator do lots of soup running on the layout or something, and reference to the soup thing in your description like so: “A blog like all the rest, but with lots soup all over my face and crack”
2. Lots of ads. They say that people will get distracted and put off by too many commercials. Whammy! Hate to brake it to you, but it’s works in the exact opposite. People will think you have sponsors and will recognize you as a pro and a dude who knows shit when you have lots of shit flying around on your page.
3. Hire a guy to do a logo for you and layout, to further more represent the rape of everything that’s already been done before.
4. Create lots of accounts on Hype Machine and love your tracks, once you reach 30 loves you’re good to go for the most popular tracks.
5. Join every fucking blog forum, sites, chat sites, facebook, last.fm, dropbox, cloudbox, shitbox, myspace, twitter, chat fuck piss forum and all of that and promote your blog with a group or just mention your blog every-fucking-where.
6. Go on every cool blog you like and tell them subtle how much you like the blog, but don’t come off as a ass-kisser. And then I don’t mean like 3-6 blogs, I mean 50 atleast. And comment on how awesome the blog is that they “found” this music in their inbox.
7. Post remixes of popular artists like La Roux, Little Boots, Röyksopp by little more unknown artists. Like for instance, a Aeroplane remix of Robbie Williams is gold.
8. Never put yourself down when you’re writing and expose who you truly are. Make it look like you’re in a big office with lots of people working for your… blog. Always stay strong, I doesn’t matter if you think house is the same as new-wave, just go with it. The readers will believe it if you believe it. If not, delete their comment.
9. Lose all integrity.
10. Forget that a blog is basically a online-diary, and start to imagine yourself that you’re Bono in blog-format and that you know every godamn band, producer and record-label there is. You the man now dog.
So, I want to thank the readers for this year that has been yet again. I think you know why I write here and continue to do so, so thank you all for reading this blog. I will send us of to the new year with some tracks and remixes by Analyzer, LeBatman and Holy Ghost.
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Boys Noize – Nerve (Analyzer Remix)
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Funny post, yet probably true for the main part, c u next year